"The Quilter's Last Will And Testament"*
Being of sound mind
(a statement which does not bear close examination)
I,_________________________________ do hereby record my last will and testament.
Knowing that __________________________________, my _________________ (husband,
sister, or friend) hasn’t the least appreciation for, or for that matter,
knowledge of my extensive fabric collection, which collection is suitably
deposited in sundry places for safekeeping. Knowing also that
___________________________ has already notified the local dumpster to pick up
and dispose of the before mentioned collection "willy-nilly" (the
thought of which causes me a most severe case of hives). Therefore, I do will
this collection and all other collections related to it, my dear friend and
fellow fabric preservationist, _________________________. It is my wish that
she/he, upon hearing of my death and obtaining clear proof that I did not
manage, although goodness knows I tried, to take it with me, would come to my
home post hast, before the dumpster, and search out my collection which is
similarly stored at her own abode. That she should rescue said collection and
stack it in my quilting studio, along with my sewing machines, frames, old
buttons, lace, patterns, quilts, dolls and works in progress. After she/he has
done this, she/he should purchase refreshments for my friends not yet departed,
which friends are also her/his friends, and every last one shall be in that room
and they shall hold a wake and say lovely and kind things about me until they
run out and then they shall divide amongst themselves, by lot, my wonderful
collection. I shall be hovering over that very spot until this is done.
_______________________ shall then quilt this spot and close the door, leaving
trivialities to those who do not understand. This is my wish on the matter.
Signed:
____________________ Date: ___________
Notarized:
__________________ Date: ___________
*This is not a legal
document
Author unknown
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